Hey Buddy!

FB_IMG_1512986840497Michelle Aventajado wears many hats: mother, wife, daughter, entrepreneur, writer, model, product endorser, and Non-Profit Director. She grew up in New York, one of five children, the daughter of a Filipino mother and an American father. Michelle has a degree in Education from SUNY Cortland and has worked as both a teacher in the American public school system and as a camp director. In 1996, she was on vacation when she met the man who would eventually become her husband. By 2006, they had been married a few years and decided to move their young family to Manila where Michelle is currently the Director of Best Buddies Philippines

M: You are a mother of four children (two teens, a pre-teen, and a little girl). Your youngest has Down Syndrome. Was that largely the impetus for you taking the job as Director of Best Buddies Philippines?

MA: Actually, I’ve always been drawn to children and adults with different abilities. When I was in high school, my track coach ran a club called Interact. Besides shadowing professionals in our small town to explore what we wanted to study as we went on to college, the main thrust of the club was to “INTERACT” with others in the community. We volunteered weekly at one of the local group homes and spent time with its residents. In college, I pursued my degree in education because I knew it would be the perfect career to satisfy my desire to help kids and change the world one student at a time. After the birth of my fourth child, I realized that God had been preparing me for all that my baby would need for me to be as her mother. I could never explain the interest I had in this marginalized population I had until Evangelina – her name means God’s gift – was born. After the initial shock of her diagnosis wore off, I realized that Gelli (her nickname) suddenly gave the work and volunteering I was doing more purpose. I can’t say I immediately thought of “fighting the good fight” when she was born, though. My initial reaction was to take it day by day and make sure that my daughter and my family had everything they needed to adjust to our new normal. I read up on how to best care for my daughter because her birth changed the playing field. I felt like a new mom. A fish out of water. I thought I was already a pro at the parenting thing, and when she was born, I suddenly felt unprepared. I bought all the books I could get my hands on, watched videos, and read blogs of moms who were parenting a child with Down Syndrome in the States. I followed one particular blogger and credit her for changing my outlook. Kelle Hampton was the blogger who helped me see the positive side of parenting Gelli. I started blogging too. I had no idea that it would open so many doors for me in terms of identifying with other parents who might be in the same situation as myself. It was through blogging that I met Anj Onrubia. Anj has a son with Autism and she wanted to bring Best Buddies to the Philippines. She invited me to the training and the meetings and I signed on as a Program Manager for my children’s school. When Anj started planning her move to Canada, she asked me if I would consider taking on the role of Country Director. The rest is, as they say, history.

I do what I do with Best Buddies, not so my daughter can join the activities I organize but in the hopes that by the time she is of age to join them, that she will feel accepted. That she’ll have less difficulty than the children who came before she did. I do it so that when she’s of college age, she’ll have more than just two choices of schools to attend in Manila. I do what I do because I believe in our programs and hope for a better future for my precious six-year-old. I want more for her.  I want to change the world one friendship at a time through our programs in Best Buddies.

M: What has been the biggest challenge in terms of bringing awareness and education to the conversation surrounding people with intellectual and developmental disabilities?

MA:  Initially, the stigma. The mindset. The culture. The belief that kids and adults with IDD are less. Less capable. Less deserving. There are still families in this country who hide their children away, who are ashamed of the beautiful child they’ve been gifted.

I have a friend who is in his mid-fifties. After asking him to get involved with Best Buddies by volunteering his time to help with a PSA on “End the R-Word”, he disclosed a sad story to me from his childhood. Apparently, when he was a kid growing up here, he remembered a child with Down Syndrome who was chained to the front porch of a neighboring home. CHAINED. Like an animal. Mimi, this was only forty years ago!

M: Wow! That’s both tragic and maddening! That’s during our lifetime!

MA: Exactly. They say it takes seven generations to see the effects of how we live today (physically) in this world. I believe that it takes just as many generations to change a mindset. Just as many generations to shift the conversation and the perspective. We need that paradigm shift to happen before my daughter will be seen as someone who is counted and included in all aspects of society.

 

M: Best Buddies is in fifty countries around the world. It’s great to see the Philippines has been involved in helping spread the organization’s message since 2014. What are some of the things you have planned for Best Buddies Philippines in 2018?

 

MA: Good question. After attending recent training in Madrid, Spain, I know we’re on the right path. Best Buddies Philippines has been slowly growing our membership and chapters in both public and private schools and making changes to bring added awareness to the plight of individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Also, we have an elementary school campaign that we’re hoping to launch a pilot for so that our friendship programs can begin with even younger children.

M: Hillary Clinton famously said “it takes a village” to raise children and I know Best Buddies Founder, Anthony Kennedy Shriver, believes deeply in community service and helping those in need (Anthony’s mother, Eunice, was the Founder of the Special Olympics and his father, Sargent, was Founding Director of the Peace Corps). What is it about Best Buddies that you love most? Is it one thing in particular or a lot of little things?

MA: It really does take a village. The village I live in consists of children, families, and professionals who all can take part in our programs. Small businesses that can employ individuals with IDD. Educators. All of these people are important in furthering our mission of inclusion for all people.

I was bullied because I was different as a child. Living in a small town where there were very few Filipino kids – most of whom were related to me – makes this cause even more meaningful to me. I’ve been on the other side and I know what it feels like to be left out. Everyone wants to be a part of something. As a mother, I want Gelli to be included in all that she desires.

What is it about Best Buddies that I love most? The time I spend with the Buddies. The selfies. The stories. The smiles. The laughter. The growth of each individual as they participate in our activities. The leadership I see that is nurtured in both the typical kids and the kids with IDD. I enjoy seeing our parents sigh with relief, knowing that their children are safe in our programs, that they’re being included, and that their kids have a chance at friendship.

M: In May, you were honored at a ceremony in Malibu, California with the award for Mother-Of-The-Year by Best Buddies International. What was that like for you?

MA:  A bit awkward. Humbling. I do what I do for Gelli and others like her because it’s personal to me. I don’t do it for recognition. In fact, I didn’t even know I was being honored. I thought they were just asking me to attend as a guest. It was a surprise to learn that I was actually being given the stage to share part of my story as Gelli’s mom and as Country Director for the Philippines. I can talk for hours about the work we do and how others can help, but talking about myself in front of all those people was difficult for me. Still, I wanted to make sure the audience understood that it was only a few years ago the Department of Education in the Philippines made it the law for my daughter to have the right to an education with her diagnosis. I bring the knowledge of that statistic to the work I do for Best Buddies and what we are up against. I felt it was my job to share these personal experiences of mine so they could understand that it was only through my motherhood of Gelli that I became aware of what the real fight was about here. I am extremely thankful for the award and the recognition but it felt a little silly being acknowledged for a job I would do anyway. Does that make sense?

[L: Michelle with Maria Shriver and R: Michelle with daughters Gia, Gelli, and Cindy Crawford]

M: It makes perfect sense. You’re a Filipino American who made the decision to move to the Philippines with your family. What’s a big difference in terms of how people with disabilities are treated in the Philippines as opposed to in the United States? I know you mentioned earlier that there’s still a stigma, but you also noted some of the improvements you’ve seen.

MA: We are still light years behind the United States when it comes to an inclusive society. When Gelli was born, my first inclination was to move back to New York where I knew she’d have a better chance at becoming who she was meant to be. In the end, I realized there’s a reason for everything. A reason she chose me as her mother. And a reason why I found myself in Manila. There is so much work to be done here. It’s why I had to step up and walk the walk.

M: What’s a typical day like for you as Director of Best Buddies Philippines?

MA: I wake up and see the kids off to school and then I jump on my laptop and answer any emails or messages received. I check on the activities we have planned for the week and see if any of the chapters need my help with anything. I talk to parents and check in with the ambassadors. I do this while also balancing the writing I do for my own website, attending events, and preparing meals for my family. I’m hands-on with everything and honestly, when my head hits the pillow at night I find myself making lists of things I need to tackle when I wake up. Some days are full of work with Best Buddies and others aren’t, but I’m pulled in so many different directions that no two days are ever alike.

M: How does the Buddy System work?

MA: In each chapter, the faculty advisor and/or the program manager has to be really astute in making matches. We match according to age, gender, and interests. By getting to know the Buddy and the Peer Buddy, we can make the best match possible. It’s not easy, but with help from everyone involved, we try to make matches where a selected friendship will naturally evolve to a deeper one. In our more established chapters, you can see the matches that were made well because they stay on as Buddies long after the year-long requirement has been fulfilled.

M: How can people volunteer or get involved with Best Buddies Philippines?

MA: We are always looking for Buddies, parent volunteers, schools, teachers, and professionals. Interested parties can contact us on Facebook at Facebook.com/BestBuddiesPhilippinesManila, on Instagram at @bestbuddiesphilippines or email us at BestBuddiesManila@gmail.com.

Whatta Dame!

Jennifer Reitman DAME Magazine _ Lipstick-Republic Blog

 

Jennifer Reitman is a lady on a mission. She wants to empower women across the country and to give voice to their concerns and issues. As the Founder of DAME Magazine, she’s uniquely poised to do so on a national scale. The content is smart, provocative, and insightful and the journalists who write for DAME are among the best and most-awarded in the industry. If the magazine itself is the vox populi of the times, then Ms. Reitman is the doyen of the playing field.

M: How did you come up with the idea for DAME?

JR:  I conceived of DAME before media outlets were digital native. I had always worked in the magazine business, and I was a voracious reader, but  I was never enamored with traditional women’s magazines. I tended to gravitate to general interest ones like Vanity Fair or men’s magazines like Esquire. I wanted great long-form journalism with a bit of lifestyle service, but women’s magazines were full of fashion and beauty or relationship tips.  At the same time, men’s magazines were obviously for men – so the voice, the lens, the perspective wasn’t meant for me. I came up with DAME as a way to satisfy the sensibilities of me and so many of my women friends.

M: What are you most proud of when it comes to being the Founder of a magazine like DAME?

JR: I’m proud of so many things, it’s hard to pin it down to just one thing – but none of them have anything to do with me being the Founder. I’m incredibly proud of my editors, and how beloved they are by our writers. And of course, the writers themselves, they’ve won awards for the work they’ve done for us.  Perhaps one of the things that moves me the most – that makes it all so meaningful, are the notes we get from readers. When we get an email from someone who tells us that they love our site or that a story moved them, well – it makes it all worth it.

M: What’s been your biggest challenge in terms of the issues you cover and the stories you tell in this current political climate?

JR: There are two.  The speed of the news cycle and picking what to focus on.  As a small site, we can’t cover everything, so sometimes there are stories that are important pegs for our features that are moving so fast that we just can’t catch up.  The second challenge is finding new angles – I think we’re good at that – but finding a unique take on a topic that almost every other site is covering can be a challenge.

M: Does it concern you that the President calls much of mainstream media fake news?

JR: Enormously. It’s hard to rank my fears with this President but his attack on one of the absolute pillars of democracy is horrifying. A free press is critical.  In less than a year, he has managed to not only erode trust in the media but also his threats are truly authoritarian.

M: Walk me through a typical workday.

JR: I wake up at about 4am and review all of the overnight or morning trending news. From there, I check in with my editors to see the status of stories. I’ll work with the entire team, social and editors, to ideate future features, new writers etc. But a large part of my day isn’t creative at all – it’s the stuff that all small business owners contend with – lawyers, insurance, accountants and daily.

M: What do you think the greatest threat is to women right now in this country?

JR: Reproductive rights. Without question. Denying women agency is a goal of the GOP and it opens the door to economic oppression, abuse, so many things.

M: Were you always a Feminist? Did your parents play a big part in that growing up?

JR: I was always a very strong female – but I don’t think I discovered true feminism until I was older and had experienced all the things in terms of sexism, inequality and the like that make feminism so important.  That said, my parents truly raised me to be a feminist even if they didn’t use that word. When I was nine years old, my mother (a Swedish national) took me to march on DC for the ERA and my father, an executive, always championed me and told me that there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do as well as men.

M: When you’re not slaying dragons and defending democracy, what do you like to do in your spare time?

JR: Sleep and resist? I actually clean my house to relax or organize closets.  I try to catch up on reading. And of course, spend as much time with my two dogs as possible.

You can follow and subscribe to DAME online at www.DameMagazine.com. on their Facebook page here, or on Twitter at @DameMagazine

Dame Magazine _Lipstick-Republic blog

 

 

Healing in Heels

With 2018 around the corner and many women looking to make some changes in their food and lifestyle habits, I decided to interview Melissa Botten, a wellness guru who incorporates holistic healing through food and movement with her company, Healing In Heels.

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M: What made you decide to start Healing In Heels?

MB: I literally looked down at my swollen, arch-damaged feet and decided I needed to heal them. I was wearing high heels that day – really cute expensive ones that I found on sale – and I realized I was ready to leave my career in corporate fashion and work on healing my feet and healing in general. I started doing lots of research on Plantar Fasciitis, bunions, and herbal remedies for feet. I found ways to treat my swollen toes, mend my damaged heels, and improve the sides of each foot. Shortly thereafter, I was introduced to a woman who has since become like a mother to me. We began working on her healing journey by eliminating meat, dairy, sugar, and processed foods from her diet. With the elimination of those items, we added strong vegan proteins, lots of nutrient-dense foods, and meditative breathing. She was super dedicated to trying anything I recommended to her and saw positive results quickly. Within a couple of months, she went from having difficulty breathing and thinking she was going to die, to doing yoga, hosting gatherings, taking long walks, and laughing with her friends again.

M: That’s great! Have you always loved cooking and experimenting in the kitchen?

MB:  I started cooking with my dad and grandmother when I was a little girl. They taught me recipes that are special to our family. As I got older, I started learning about different Italian dishes from my aunts and uncles who lived in New York. So I guess we really are a family of chefs! My company, Healing in Heels, grew out of my desire to help people heal through yummy cuisine, organic and natural herbs, and colorful presentation. After all, food should be good for you and delicious, but it should be beautiful too.

M: How do you make healthy taste so delicious? Do you have any favorites or “Go-To” meals for busy women on the go?

MB: That can be challenging for anyone! You know, I’ve been at this for a few years professionally, but I have been using cooking as a modality for healing my mind and body my whole life. I’ve learned the fresher and more natural the ingredients are, the more delicious the food is to even the most discriminating client’s palate. Anything you can put on collard greens or in a vegan gluten-free wrap with fruits and vegetables is probably my favorite Go-To meal. I also enjoy making muffins with five simple ingredients. They’re so amazing, I’m afraid to leave my house at night with a basket of them because someone might accost me just for those darn muffins!

M: I need to try the muffins! What about women over forty? How does healthy eating help?

MB: Women in their 40s, 50s, or even their 60s are all experiencing different hormonal shifts and trying to figure out the necessary steps to get them through these stages in their lives. There’s definitely a transition with each decade and for some, it’s easier than for others. Our hormones can be really out of whack from things like childbirth and menopause or acute and chronic stress and medications. It can be difficult to regulate our body temperatures, keep our bones strong, and ensure all our parts inside – big and small – function properly. In addition to this, a lot of women feel their emotions and stress levels are hard to control and are exhausted emotionally, mentally, and physically. A good place to start is by adding nutrient-dense food, herbs, and spices to their diet to either help prevent or minimize some of these symptoms. Teaming up with Mother Nature is great because even if you don’t feel like something is working or it’s taking too long, you’re still making healthier choices in your daily routine and getting a vitamin or two out of it as an added perk! If targeted nutrient food healing is needed, that’s where I’d suggest a customized diet or menu for helping to heal specific ailments in the body.

M: You’re a single mom of two. How do your girls influence your work?

MB: My children influence everything! I made a conscious decision when I decided to really take charge of my life and embark on a journey of healing. I healed from the loss of my parents and my divorce. I healed insecurities from past relationships that had been hindering my growth. I knew that I had to follow a path that was true to who we are as a family and who I am as a person – one that would influence healthy living for the three of us – especially since my girls were still so small at the time. If I keep the house positive and make it a nurturing environment then that’s what the girls are going to experience and want to emulate when they’re older too. When I’m consistent they feel safe and comfortable. I’m selective when it comes to food we keep in the refrigerator and in the kitchen, but I offer the girls choices and explain the reasons behind each option. I don’t believe in depriving them of things to eat but we do limit our indulgences to an acceptable level that works for our family’s needs.  Both of them volunteer with me in the community, help me cook, clean up around the house, and care for our dogs. We create recipes together, we paint together…I really do credit them for a lot of my inspiration, creativity, and success.

M: I know you’re based in Southern California, but you are able to Skype and travel to clients all over the country, right? How do people contact you for a consultation?

MB: Yes, I’m based out of Long Beach, California. Ideally, I prefer to meet people in person because one-on-one connecting is vital when a woman is choosing a supportive partner to help in her healing journey. However, I know some people live in other cities and states so I offer consultations over the phone, via FaceTime, Skype, and Zoom too. Curious friends, new referrals, or prospective clients can find me at my Healing In Heels website or through social media on my Instagram or Facebook pages. There’s a contact form they can submit which goes directly to me. After I receive it, I’ll reply and we can discuss the next steps to connect.

M: What’s a typical weekday for you? Is there such thing in your line of work?

MB:  It differs slightly depending on the day. I share custody of my children with my ex-husband but I’m very involved in their day-to-day and after-school activities. Plus, we have two puppies so the needs of the dogs are also figured into my schedule. Weekdays are reserved for clients when the kids are in school. I coach over the phone or in person and do home visits too. Some days, I may have a private cooking lesson scheduled with an individual client I’m coaching or a group I’m teaching. Since so much of my volunteering, special event guesting, and community projects are done on weekends, I’m also mindful to keep one day a week just for myself so I can do things that nurture my own soul like meditation, yoga, and roller skating.

Hello. I love you. Won’t you tell me your name?

We all have an idea of who we are as people. Younger people often confuse their real identity with who they want to become. Although to be fair, I’ve seen older people do this too so it’s not like Millennials have a monopoly on this behavior. Are you as big a believer in spirituality as your girlfriends at yoga class and in solstice festival you attended believe? Are you as open-minded in real life as you espouse to be online or at cocktail parties? These are just a few examples for the sake of this post and there’s no right or wrong answer – only you know the truth.

Identity Lipstick-Republic blog

I had theories of who I thought I was for most of my life from about age 18 till about 33 when I realized I wasn’t any of those things. It wasn’t so much that I felt like an imposter – I mean, I genuinely DO like opera, but I’m not itching to see La Boheme whenever I hear it’s playing. Rather, I felt like I was interested in a lot of things because that’s what I felt was expected of me or needed for me to be liked or loved by those I respected and admired. Also, because I went from being a teenager to being a mother and wife so young, I believe that played a large part in not really having the time to really understand who I was as a young woman: my passions, my dreams, what made me truly happy or truly sad…those sorts of things. For a long time, this not knowing myself caused me a lot of pain through no one’s fault but my own. By the time I realized that a person wasn’t whom I thought them to be, I was exhausted and ready to move on without them in my life, becoming resentful and instead of owning my own baggage, I’d walk away from the friendship or relationship. I was honest with the “it’s not you, it’s me” thing, but in hindsight, I should have explained to those people the gravity of that statement for me and that it really wasn’t just a vapid way of blowing them off, but a very real one.

I had a friend named Talia who was really into loud music, loud men, and loud opinions. In retrospect, I think I gravitated toward her because she was strong in a lot of ways I wasn’t – she asserted herself and didn’t put up with anyone’s crap. I was soft spoken, avoided conflict, and tended to be more submissive in my romantic relationships. For a time, I loved hanging out with her and the power I thought she embodied, hoping it would rub off on me. Eventually, I began to see that while she was assertive, she was never soft and often cruel to people. I saw her need to be loud wasn’t necessarily some sort of illustration of feminist strength, but more a need to always be the center of attention that stemmed from her own insecurities. I walked away. There were other similarly dysfunctional relationships that came into my life and with each of them, I made the decision to walk away.

When I was thirty-three, after another bad judgment call in the friendship department (this time I had seen red flags early on in this particular friend, Janice. She was clearly a user and only wanted to hang out when I’d buy her things or take her places. Still, I allowed it because I always had a companion to travel with or to go shopping or eat out with because well, of course, I could count on Janice. If I was paying, Janice always RSVP’d), I had an awakening. I went to Santa Barbara for the weekend alone to do some much-needed thinking. I sat by the sea. I wrote in my journal. I made lists. I ate by myself. I shopped by myself. And –  I realized that I enjoyed being with myself. I didn’t need another person to validate who I was for me to like myself. I went home with a renewed purpose and excitedly told my therapist. I was elated. It was like a I’d been in a fog and could finally see for the first time.

Since then, I’ve learned much about myself and who I am as a human being. I no longer desire relationships that lack substance. I would much rather have a few good friends than a lot of fair weather people in my circle. Here are some other things I’ve come to understand about myself:

DISLIKES. I don’t cotton to people who are quick to criticize but not interested in doing any real critical thinking. I respond better to dialogue when asked or spoken to directly and do not like being triangulated. I don’t like when I feel rushed  (eating in a hurry to catch a movie? No thanks, I’d rather enjoy my meal and linger over conversation). I panic when I don’t know where I’m driving  and it can make me grumpy. Women who do the breathy voice, helpless act with men annoy me. I can’t be around them long before I want to vomit. I have little patience for people who talk down to others. I don’t respond well to those who proselytize or browbeat others into submission or conversion to anything.

LIKES. I like going the speed limit or 5-10 miles over it and prefer driving during the daytime as opposed to night driving. I like having alone time to read or journal to recalibrate. Afternoon naps are sacrosanct to me. I like fresh flowers and original art (that doesn’t have to equal expensive, BTW). I prefer antiques and classic style to ultra-modern decor. I think women should have a place at the table and no, I don’t mean just setting a pretty one. I like museums and galleries and can wander through them for hours.

What about you? How are you NOW different than you WERE ten years ago? Twenty years ago? Are you the person inside that you show the world outside? Do you do things because you want to or do you feel beholden or obligated to them because of other people’s expectations? Are your relationships with others authentic? Do you get out of them what you put into them and if not, why are you still friends with that person(s)?

It can be terrifying and difficult to have these conversations with yourself. Believe me, I speak from a place of personal experience in wrestling with these demons and identifying my own hang-ups. Here’s the thing though –  we’re all in this together as women. You’re not alone. Be true to yourself.